“This idiom refers to a drowning man grabbing at any floating object, even a straw, to save himself.  It was first used by Thomas More in ‘Dialogue of Comfort Against Tribulation.'” It’s like grasping onto nothing. Like reaching outside of yourself for something, anything to save you.

It’s like nothing ever meant anything, or everything you thought meant something didn’t. All the things you thought you needed.. those things you were taught to need.. the things that you were told you needed for this life. They said it was just how it is. Life.. being a human. They said here, this is what love looks like, acts like, what it sounds like.. this is what work is.. you will only be happy if you have this amount of money. You will only be satisfied if you have this family dynamic, and these types of people in your life. You will be truly happy when you find a romantic partner.. They said these are the goals and without them you are missing something in you. All of this is outlined for us.. Then later in life, when you have all those things, but they are not bringing happiness, you say there is something wrong with me. You think you are not good enough, not deserving enough, are ungrateful because you are not happy.

So you start looking into why.. you start blaming.. yea, sure, it is your parents’ fault. They helped to create that whole set up of what equals happiness in this world. But, you can take it further back, all the way to the cave man ancestors and beyond. You can blame them no doubt. Do you feel better now that you have figured out how it got to be this way? Maybe you feel lied to, and are angry that you have gotten all these things they said would make you this happy, peaceful, content human and it’s just not bringing that to you.

Then, you lose these things and you wish you had them back because you are still not happy. You lose a relationship, or a job.. now you are so upset and you feel getting them back will bring happiness that was never there in the first place when you did have all those things.

There is not one person or thing outside of yourself can create contentment and peace.

You try now, out of desperation, to find alternatives.. you grasp at straws. Continuously looking and searching for a person, job, pet, home, child, city, or drug to make you feel better. Exhausting options outside of yourself one by one. Exhausting isn’t it!! Heck, people even go as far as to bring other humans into this world for the selfish reason of trying to fill the void they feel, and to try to bring happiness to themselves. Now you have another human getting the same message you did!! And.. you are still not satisfied and content.

Now, you start to say, “I’ll never be happy, I’ll never have get..” and all the things you say after that. Sending that negative thought out there. “These are just the cards I was dealt..” Well, this ain’t poker folks. You do have the power to change this.

You have the means to be content, happy, and at peace all alone with nothing and none of these things which you are so desperately grasping for. The things you have been grasping at, reaching for, that you believe will save you are not the answer. They are not the life rafts. You don’t need a float. You can keep yourself from drowning all on your own. You are already equipped with all you need to survive.

Stop struggling and desperately grasping and just let go.. you make think you will sink, you may think you will surely die without all these things you feel you have to have in life. You won’t die. At all. You will fucking fly up out of that water!!! Everything you thought would bring you this amazingness has not so far and has kept you half drowning. So save yourself. Accept that you don’t have any clue as to how the fuck this contentment is possible from just within you. That is really the first step to feeling true freedom, peace, happiness, love, connection, and security.

Let me end with a quote from the vampire version of lady GaGa in American Horror Story, as she was telling a woman what the transition from human to vampire would be like:
“You must completely surrender.. be totally ripped apart, ravished.. it may feel like you are dying and maybe you are. But from blood comes life, better, stronger, more glorious than you could have ever imagined. And you will rise.” Wow, that quote right!! It was in a horror story, just simply to be a dramatic, scary way to describe what it feels like to become a vampire right? It’s not coincidence that this is what it feels like to awaken to the truth. The truth of you.