Emotional Healing: It’s so hard to recognize the story let alone change it.. but if you don’t find the roots of what holds that story in place, what allows it to keep playing on repeat.. it will just keep going on and on.. different faces and places.. same outcomes. You will say, that’s not going to happen to me again, just for it to do exactly that..Just when you think you have it all changed and reconfigured.. you don’t. You have to look even deeper. Be with yourself even more intensely. Break down more systems of faulty belief. Delete old trauma. Upload the new. The new programs that are the opposite of what you were running in the background. Even when you change the old behaviors, it’s not enough. Those are just outwards actions. You must change what created those behaviors in the first place. And it can’t be because you put your attention on something positive. It cannot be outside yourself. Nothing is going to rescue you. Then the true self can be revealed. And all these old emotional programs and faulty beliefs can be extracted. And you will have to do this many, many times in your short human life. Many layers. Utilizing energy healing modalities can assist you with this process. Peeling back the layers, clearing chakras, and receiving healing energy can loosen up the foundation that is so in need of being rebuilt! I’m here if you want to work on it! I do distant healing session, and some in person. Click here to see the types of sessions I offer. One of my favorite theorists, Carl Jung, is one of the leaders to discovering how the subconscious runs the show. Click here to read more about him. Sending you all love, light and healing and peace!
Toxic masculinity is a term used to describe male gender roles that resist certain emotions that are not allowable for them to express.
I am going to discuss how this has seeped out to affect a lot of people, not just men.
Before you go off saying that resisting expression of certain emotions is necessary in certain situations of war, survival and other circumstances, let me say, yes.. I agree with you on that.
Those circumstances are not happening for everyone, yet aspects of this toxic masculinity are still affecting people negatively.
We have somehow learned, that in today’s western world, that we must resist expression of certain emotions in order to survive, be considered strong, to be valuable, or to be viewed as a successful person. We don’t openly express our “unacceptable” emotions that would cause us to appear weak, vulnerable, messy, inadequate, or incapable.
Some of these emotions are: sadness, grief, shame, fear, confusion, and many more.
Yes, yes, boys were taught and told things like:
“boys don’t cry.. have some balls…don’t be a little bitch…don’t be a pussy…suck it up..”
Since the new year began, in my therapy practice, I have heard several women say these some things. They also hold these beliefs.
As you can see, the fuel behind it is: don’t be feminine.. because somehow the expression has been ok for women but not ok for men. Today, it’s not ok for anyone!
So what then do we have here? A big, huge imbalance of the masculine and feminine energies. An overdose of masculine.
Which leads to major issues; some are listed here:
Illness, disconnection in all relationships, blocks to intimacy, addictions, anxiety, depression, dissatisfaction with career. Just to name a few!!
The emotions that are held inside you, are held inside the body too.. not just the mind. Your whole being is affected and every aspect of your humanness.
Oh, and yes, we do have toxic feminine too, which can show up in things like eating disorders, playing victim, blaming, disempowerment, and over emotional expression, especially with the purpose of manipulation.. but we will talk more about that in another article.
The goal is balance. To balance masculine and feminine energies. We must learn to be vulnerable and let out how we are feeling. We must speak the truth of what is going on inside of us. But we must also discern when to do that and with whom. We can release the emotions first and then speak of them. Acknowledge them. Accept them.
When they are first arising, you may be overwhelmed. You must find a good therapist or trusted and skilled friend to be there for you through that. I promise you won’t get stuck in them! You won’t swing to the other side of the pendulum and be super emotional all day every day.
We cannot bypass this!!! Don’t let any spiritual guru, or any pastor tell you that you can. They are usually men by the way, who are telling people that they can just go detach from their ego and go into non duality. Or they are saying it’s ok, God saved you and you can just pray about it.
Nope! These emotions and the truth of the human beings that we are cannot be denied. You cannot rise above your humanness and just be spiritual. We are here on the planet in the flesh.
Sure, there are moments when you will need detachment and to let go and shut the ego up. But you can’t stay there all day every day.
Do your inner child healing work, find the blocks that prevent you from being vulnerable and open about the truth of you and go through the pain and uncomfortablility of the emotions. You may have to do it in phases, or cycles.. you may have to circle back to them again and again. But that is what life is.. a circle, an orbit.. we will keep coming back to the same things, each time with a different perspective or realization.
Free yourself to be you. Be not afraid of what people are going to think… be not afraid of losing people or being rejected by them for who you are! Those who are also in their truth will see this and love you more. They will be present in the moment with you. They see you because they see themselves.
You won’t always be in balance. That is impossible. But you will recognize much quicker when something is off, and be able to address it!
I wish you all a wonderful day, and look forward to your comments!
Click Here if you want to work with me and for more info on my session.
A Narcissist, a wounded love addict. THE JOKER & HARLEY QUINN: A Therapist’s view….Emotionally wounded and broken Harley Quinn is vulnerable and desperate and is wide open to be swayed by any charm or what appears to be intense feelings of love since she longs for that. And the joker is a twisted, sadistic, manipulative, narcissist/ sociopath who can prey on the weak and then mold them into what he desires. But guess what folks.. that’s not love..But some people think it’s romantic and think that they are a love story. lol if you actually read the comic you will see the truth of it. And guess what, joker is not in love with her, his true love is unattainable…Batman. The epitome of using dark and turning it into the light.. But suffering, still suffering… and joker is attracted to what he cannot turn into a relief of pain. Batman stays in his pain. But still works for the good of humanity. Joker is obsessed with him , Harley is just his possession, ego boost, and he’s already conquered that. But if he loses her who will he have? And that’s weak.. true weakness .. it’s possible to see her kind show up in therapy but not stick to it.. but he never will.
The sociopaths, narcissist persons may show up but they’re never going to do the work. If the emotionally wounded broken ever decide to get out of their past patterns and jump out of a hamster wheel they could get help. Or die.. one or the other.. It’s kind of sad that people romanticize this relationship. But it just goes to show how many people out there are coming from an emotionally wounded place. So they can relate to this.. they think it’s normal they think this is what love is. They may never truly know what love really is because this is all they know ..this hamster wheel..this loop that they are in. They will just keep being miserable, or they’ll have some kind of breakthrough and understand that this is not real. I can help you to step off the hamster wheel, click here
I would say there’s hope for Harley but I’m not really sure. She seems to have went to the Darkside and is fully submerged into it. She may just have to get killed over there LOL. Why did he go through great lengths to save her if he doesn’t really truly love her? Well because she’s his food. Fuel for the narcissist. If he doesn’t have something to feed on then what does he have? In the comic, she eventually stands up to him and leaves him and then had a romance with poison ivy lol. Onto the next toxic relationship!!! batman had deep pain, watching his parents die. Tried to avenge their deaths… his love is in the pain. Which can be compared to the show Dexter. But that’s a whole different analysis.! Good day folks! click here for help with breaking the pattern of toxic relationships
“This idiom refers to a drowning man grabbing at any floating object, even a straw, to save himself. It was first used by Thomas More in ‘Dialogue of Comfort Against Tribulation.'” It’s like grasping onto nothing. Like reaching outside of yourself for something, anything to save you.
It’s like nothing ever meant anything, or everything you thought meant something didn’t. All the things you thought you needed.. those things you were taught to need.. the things that you were told you needed for this life. They said it was just how it is. Life.. being a human. They said here, this is what love looks like, acts like, what it sounds like.. this is what work is.. you will only be happy if you have this amount of money. You will only be satisfied if you have this family dynamic, and these types of people in your life. You will be truly happy when you find a romantic partner.. They said these are the goals and without them you are missing something in you. All of this is outlined for us.. Then later in life, when you have all those things, but they are not bringing happiness, you say there is something wrong with me. You think you are not good enough, not deserving enough, are ungrateful because you are not happy.
So you start looking into why.. you start blaming.. yea, sure, it is your parents’ fault. They helped to create that whole set up of what equals happiness in this world. But, you can take it further back, all the way to the cave man ancestors and beyond. You can blame them no doubt. Do you feel better now that you have figured out how it got to be this way? Maybe you feel lied to, and are angry that you have gotten all these things they said would make you this happy, peaceful, content human and it’s just not bringing that to you.
Then, you lose these things and you wish you had them back because you are still not happy. You lose a relationship, or a job.. now you are so upset and you feel getting them back will bring happiness that was never there in the first place when you did have all those things.
There is not one person or thing outside of yourself can create contentment and peace.
You try now, out of desperation, to find alternatives.. you grasp at straws. Continuously looking and searching for a person, job, pet, home, child, city, or drug to make you feel better. Exhausting options outside of yourself one by one. Exhausting isn’t it!! Heck, people even go as far as to bring other humans into this world for the selfish reason of trying to fill the void they feel, and to try to bring happiness to themselves. Now you have another human getting the same message you did!! And.. you are still not satisfied and content.
Now, you start to say, “I’ll never be happy, I’ll never have get..” and all the things you say after that. Sending that negative thought out there. “These are just the cards I was dealt..” Well, this ain’t poker folks. You do have the power to change this.
You have the means to be content, happy, and at peace all alone with nothing and none of these things which you are so desperately grasping for. The things you have been grasping at, reaching for, that you believe will save you are not the answer. They are not the life rafts. You don’t need a float. You can keep yourself from drowning all on your own. You are already equipped with all you need to survive.
Stop struggling and desperately grasping and just let go.. you make think you will sink, you may think you will surely die without all these things you feel you have to have in life. You won’t die. At all. You will fucking fly up out of that water!!! Everything you thought would bring you this amazingness has not so far and has kept you half drowning. So save yourself. Accept that you don’t have any clue as to how the fuck this contentment is possible from just within you. That is really the first step to feeling true freedom, peace, happiness, love, connection, and security.
Let me end with a quote from the vampire version of lady GaGa in American Horror Story, as she was telling a woman what the transition from human to vampire would be like:
“You must completely surrender.. be totally ripped apart, ravished.. it may feel like you are dying and maybe you are. But from blood comes life, better, stronger, more glorious than you could have ever imagined. And you will rise.” Wow, that quote right!! It was in a horror story, just simply to be a dramatic, scary way to describe what it feels like to become a vampire right? It’s not coincidence that this is what it feels like to awaken to the truth. The truth of you.
Super self realization!!!! I wanted to make a video because it is way cooler and more raw, but I know many won’t sit through a video and some hate to read and won’t read all of this.. but those who are meant to see this and need to see this will read it. Well I know I should be out on my bike right now because it’s so nice out, but I felt a bit inspired and thought I should write. I had some realizations and awareness I wanted to share. I realized a good while back that I had issues with codependency. It started to develop as a child with a mother who was very overly protective and anxious. The relationship we had was intensely enmeshed and codependent. Therefore as an adult I played out the same thing in friendships and relationships. Since I have known this for a while I have been working on it for quite some time. But there are always more awarenesses inside a bigger awareness it seems LOL! More layers to uncover.
So I was talking to a friend of mine about different things last night and woke up this morning to a video that really created a full realization for me! I was like holy shit that’s what I have done!! I will post the video, by Richard Gannon, but I want to mention the things that stood out for me: The first couple minutes he discusses how we justify things..”it is my fault she acts this way,” “it only happens when” etc. Then from 2mins to 4mins or so, he discusses fake morality. We see it as taking the higher road, being the better person, and saying that the person is wounded and need our help. But in all actuality it’s a fake morality. It’s just something that has been playing out since childhood as an addictive type of adult role play game. This is due to the way we were raised and our experiences with parents. Emotional neglect, lack of attachments and bonds, over attachments and bonds, parents that abused substances, and the list goes on!! The fake morality of the people pleaser is what holds abusive relationships in place. The other person needs your fake moral structure to continue the dysfunctional relationship. It’s not that you are “doing the right thing” it’s just that you are a trained victim and codependent! He says this “the people pleaser is a slave, an addict, and feels the most comfortable, warm and cozy when there is a thick black boot resting on their face! It is not moral, you are a victim and an addict!” He goes on to say that to fix this, the first person you set up boundaries with and say NO to is yourself. Then you have to say NO to “that sick, perverted, addicted, instinct inside of you that leaps forward to try to help somebody when perhaps, you aren’t really even helping yourself.” Then he goes on to discuss things he calls emotional flashbacks and guilt. Guilt causes you to do a lot of people pleaser things.. He mentions codependency and uses an analogy of little zombie slaves LOL. When he mentioned about staying in a relationship because he was a therapist and that was the brave, and right thing to do because this person needed help and was wounded.. that hit home for me! He also mentions staying in a relationship that is high drama with reaction seeking people who are abusive because it’s exciting to you. He referenced a woman who stayed with a war vet who had ptsd because she was trying to fix him. If the relationship is not tearing out your guts and is painful then it’s not love. I also like the reference to the friend who asks for a ride, but you are busy. You feel guilty about it, so you promise the person you will make it up with extra rides. Instead of just saying no, I’m busy.
The video made me realize that I am a work in progress and am still working on some of these things and others of them I have already moved past. I have moved past the anger at my mother because I know that I chose her on the soul level and chose the experience with her. We co created that together as souls for our life purpose. I would not be where and who I am today without that experience. I don’t feel sad anymore or bad for myself. I have forgiven her and myself completely. That was the first major step. Being a recovering codependent I must keep on top of things and realize when I sink back into patterns. I still have a hard time saying no to people when they ask for something. At times I go into that therapist I can save you mode. But the point it to just be aware of it! The biggest point I am trying to make is to be aware because I will say this: Once you are aware, you can’t turn a blind eye. You can’t go back. You can’t unsee it. You know those weird shapes tests they have you look at and they say what do you see? Well you may see a butterfly, but when they point out there is also a face there, you can’t go back to just seeing the butterfly. You will always see the face too. Well that’s what I am saying, you can try like hell to unsee the damn face, but you always know it’s there. Eventually with that awareness, you will have to face it LOL.. He mentions that it takes a year of therapy to heal this shit.. well I say each person is different, maybe the awareness is all you needed, maybe you write about shit and it heals you, maybe you go to therapy, maybe you go retreat into the wild woods.. whatever it is.. but once your eyes are opened you can’t shut them again.. you can try, but the universe will force those eyelids open again and again til you address it. My other important point here is to love, accept and forgive yourself and people from your past that helped to create this YOU. Remember on the soul level you chose this experience for your personal growth as a soul. Not just a human being, but a soul!! You are truly not really a victim at all. Thank you all for reading this. I love you. Here is is video that inspired me: https://youtu.be/Wrm6aur3wow
Just an FYI for anyone who was wondering, This is how google defines codependency.
a codependent is someone who cannot function from their innate self and whose thinking and behavior is instead organized around another person, or even a process, or substance.
intense and unstable interpersonal relationships,
inability to tolerate being alone, accompanied by frantic efforts to avoid being alone,
chronic feelings of boredom and emptiness,
subordinating one’s own needs to those of the person with whom one is involved,
overwhelming desire for acceptance and affection,
dishonesty and denial, and
“Unresolved patterns of codependency can lead to more serious problems like alcoholism, drug addiction, eating disorders, sex addiction, psychosomatic illnesses, and other self-destructive or self-defeating behaviors. People with codependency are also more likely to attract further abuse from aggressive individuals, more likely to stay in stressful jobs or relationships”
“Sometimes an individual can, in attempts to recover from codependency, go from being overly passive or overly giving to being overly aggressive or excessively selfish. Many therapists maintain that finding a balance through healthy assertiveness (which leaves room for being a caring person and also engaging in healthy caring behavior) is true recovery from codependency and that becoming extremely selfish, a bully, or an otherwise conflict-addicted person is not.[15”
True Love Lessons: by Teresa Blackburn
Let me begin this with a Grey’s Anatomy quote: “When there is something you really want, fight for it, don’t ever give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you’ve lost hope, ask yourself if in ten years from now, you’re gonna wish you gave it just one more shot. Because the best things in life, they don’t come free.”
So many people have an unrealistic idea of love. People expect to find the perfect one and that they will be in this little bubble and they will agree on everything and share thoughts and feelings and things will be fairytale perfect. Sometimes the beginning of a relationship can look like this. But then you begin to see the foundation of each individual. Buttons get pressed, triggers pulled, and needs that are conflicting arise. Then you say, “oh no, this isn’t the one and I need to end this.” Then you move on to another person.. but the same thing happens over and over. It’s always easy in the beginning, then the lack of real true love shows itself. People have relationships for many reasons: for fun, romantic love; to settle with someone because it’s easier than feeling something deep to avoid pain and suffering. People freak out when there are too many issues that crop up that reflect issues within themselves that they have been stuffing or avoiding. Oh no! I don’t want to have to deal with that it’s too scary or painful. Fear continues to hold them back from making that deep connection.
But .. at the basis.. the root.. the ground level of all of this… you will feel the love of your soul. The soul, knowing and recognizing true, unconditional love. And that, my friends, would be the “one.” That love that you can’t bury, shake off, ignore, deny, push away, or get rid of no matter what. But you say, screw this! It’s too much, it’s too hard, it’s too much work, it’s too vulnerable, too scary.
So you will go settle on a new person or trying something else.. and you start fresh and new with a stranger and it’s all easy again. Of course until you realize there is a lack of a deep connection, or maybe you become bored and things are stagnant. It is good that you don’t argue at all right? It’s good that there is not real passion right? Intensity? No real fire is burning here.
God is constantly trying to get us to face our own shit that we need to work on to evolve our souls and to grow and expand. When we face this and do the work, we get closer to our true selves. When we can say, “hey look I know you and you know me, we have been through all of this, we have worked on ourselves and improved and realized and hurt and suffered! All our shit has been exposed! We know each other well… I still love you and you love me… there are no more cover ups, stuffing, avoiding, or secrets.” When you can say this.. well you got it!! Now work together on a mission to improve the lives of others. It’s no longer about “I” “me” “I need” etc.. Live your lives side by side, keeping the ME and the YOU without the fears, the worries and the needs.. but still in this beautiful relationship where there is an US. Value what you do for others and help to improve the collective! What can you give together since all that work is now done. Now you can just BE together. Just love. True unconditional love. Deep soul level love. Love that rattles you to your core and shakes up all your shit!! When all that dust settles that got stirred up, your eyes will connect, your souls will recognize..clearly.. It’s always been you.
If you have Anxiety Disorder, when you’re feeling fear and anxiety, the sympathetic nervous system gets activated. This causes symptoms like racing heart, sweating, feeling jittery, muscle tension, and sometimes even upset stomach or diarrhea.
It’s just like take a large dose of epinephrine, which is also known as adrenaline. Your body goes into fight or flight mode naturally in the presence of danger; preparing itself for battle or to run away from the predator!
This is your body’s natural response, but sometimes your subconscious mind falls into a bad habit of bringing up fear in situations that are not truly threatening. The situation may have been scary at one time, for example, you may have been in a car accident and the danger was very real.
But after the accident, each you get in the car you feel panicked all over again and may fear that another accident will occur.
Anxiety Disorder-The Subconscious Mind
Your subconscious mind does not rationalize out that there is no real imminent danger, but your conscious mind attempts to logically see that the situation is not threatening. Once a thought, belief, or emotion is adopted by your subconscious, it becomes like data in a computer program and just runs automatically when switched on leading to what is commonly called anxiety disorder.
Here are Three Ways to Relieve Symptoms of Anxiety Disorder
1. Calm the body: Take deep breaths slowly and deeply instead of short and shallow. Breathe in for the count of 5 and breathe out for the count of 5. Then, with the palm of your hand, brush down your arm from shoulder to wrist about 10-30 times intending that you are releasing any cause for fear and anxiety. Finally, massage underneath your collar bones on each side of your body at the same time, continuing to breathe slowly.
2. Changing thoughts and beliefs: Any fearful or scary thoughts that come up, find the opposite of those thoughts and begin repeating them to yourself, or out loud if possible. For example: Fearful thought-“oh no, I’m never going to get out of this traffic, I am stuck.” Positive opposite thought- “I am safe and comfortable in my vehicle, and I am moving forward with ease; I am calm and relaxed.”
3. Practicing new thoughts; creating a new habit: Repeating positive thoughts and communicating those new ways of thinking to your subconscious mind will create different results. Give your subconscious permission to release and let go of old ways of thinking and adopt new beliefs. Will this work even if I don’t believe it? Yes, if you stick with it and give your mind some time to adjust change will occur.
When you first learned how to ride a bicycle it was hard and you had to consciously remember all the steps to perform to ride the bicycle, until eventually it felt natural and you did not have to think about it at all. The subconscious part of your brain now drives that bicycle. With a little patience, you will be cruising along in no time and will have relief from anxiety disorder.
The Heart Chakra is the 4th of the seven chakras, and it is represented by the color green. It involves the circulatory system, diaphragm, heart, lungs, arms, shoulders, ribs, breasts and thymus gland.
The heart chakra can be affected by situations that have emotionally stressful aspects, or as some say, “matters of the heart.” Some examples are divorce, or separation of intimate relationships, loss of loved ones to death, or a betrayal of trust by another person.
The heart chakra is meant to give and receive love, but when it is out of balance, it cannot do its job effectively. One reason for being out of balance is trapped emotions. When feelings get hurt over and over, or many losses occur, a person can build up a protective wall. It is no longer desirable to open up to love for fear of betrayal, loss, grief, heartache, or loneliness. A person can become defensive, and then the heart can be protected by a wall of energetic material along with trapped emotions in the energy field.
In the Emotion Code, Dr. Nelson calls this the heartwall. Thankfully, the heartwall can be removed by Emotion Code therapy and Reiki.
The Heart Chakra-Effects
A person can actually feel emotional hurts in a physical way in the chest area. The chest may feel heavy, tightness or pressure. Many anxieties and fears are felt in the heart chakra area, even if they originate from another chakra. If the heart chakra is too open, a person could be ruled by their emotions. There are many people out there who give way too much and receive very little. They never take any love for themselves, or give themselves any self-love. The opposite end of the spectrum is a closed heart chakra. The hear is in total protective, defensive mode and will not give or receive love. It is now just like a castle with a very large moat around it with no bridge or any access to enter it. Creating a balance in the heart chakra is ideal! The key to balancing the heart chakra is first giving self-love. Without loving yourself first, giving and receiving any other love is hard to achieve.
Heart Chakra Healing
Here are some ways to balance and heal the heart chakra: There are many techniques that I enjoy utilizing to balance the heart chakra. Contacting me for an Emotion code or a Reiki session for heart chakra healing would be very effective. Here are some things to do in the meantime on your own: Mirror work by Louise Hay. Louise tells us to talk to ourselves in the mirror daily and tell yourself “I love you” and other positive things like “you are magnificent.” Even if it feels strange at first, just give it some time. Also Chakra toning is an effective way to help heal the heart chakra. Allowing your voice to make the AH sound for as long as your breath allows, then repeating it a few times until the heart chakra area feels lighter and more clear. Also, asking angels for help is really useful! Archangel Raphael is always there to assist in healing the heart if you call upon him.
The third chakra is the solar plexus chakra, which is located from the naval up through the stomach area. The color that represents this chakra is yellow. When this chakra is in balance, self-esteem will be present along with confidence and self-worth.T
Also, there will be a respect for others, joyfulness, emotional fulfillment, and a feeling of warmth and comfort. A person with a balanced third chakra will be socially adept and be able to take healthy risks and try new things. This person would also be a leader, energetic, and intune with their intuition.
Solar Plexus Chakra-Effects
When this chakra is overactive a person can be judgmental, critical, and easily find fault in others. He/she can also be demanding and have an extreme range of emotions that are not very stable. An overactive solar plexus chakra can result in perfectionism and being very rigid or stubborn; not wanting to see things any other way. The over active third chakra can be a strain on interpersonal relationships. When someone is critical and unable to compromise it is hard to maintain healthy friendships or intimate relationships which require agreement, and allowing others to enter into your personal space.
When this chakra is underactive, one may become very worried about what other people think, and feel out of control of life. This may also bring up feelings of fear and depression that could impact a person’s daily life. He/she may have trouble getting things done, and be uncomfortable with change and new things. He/she may also doubt and mistrust those around them. A person with an underactive solar plexus chakra seems to go on auto pilot and avoid feelings and challenges. He/she is afraid to move forward and just use avoidance to keep things the same way all the time.
Solar Plexus Chakra-Healing
A chakra healing can be very easily done. Some basic ways to heal solar plexus chakra imbalances: Positive affirmations could be used daily, for example, “I am totally comfortable expressing my feelings to others and I actively listen to them in return.” Or, “I am letting go of judgment and choose to allow myself to see all sides to things.” Some other ways to heal this chakra: getting a hobby, doing something creative to express yourself, lifting weights, being in the sunlight, wearing yellow objects or clothing and making choices from a place of love instead of fear. Also, Reiki can help raise vibrations and usher negative energies out of the chakra.
To contact me for a Reiki session for chakra healing in person, or at a distance, click here.