Toxic masculinity is a term used to describe male gender roles that resist certain emotions that are not allowable for them to express.
I am going to discuss how this has seeped out to affect a lot of people, not just men.
Before you go off saying that resisting expression of certain emotions is necessary in certain situations of war, survival and other circumstances, let me say, yes.. I agree with you on that.
Those circumstances are not happening for everyone, yet aspects of this toxic masculinity are still affecting people negatively.
We have somehow learned, that in today’s western world, that we must resist expression of certain emotions in order to survive, be considered strong, to be valuable, or to be viewed as a successful person. We don’t openly express our “unacceptable” emotions that would cause us to appear weak, vulnerable, messy, inadequate, or incapable.
Some of these emotions are: sadness, grief, shame, fear, confusion, and many more.
Yes, yes, boys were taught and told things like:
“boys don’t cry.. have some balls…don’t be a little bitch…don’t be a pussy…suck it up..”
Since the new year began, in my therapy practice, I have heard several women say these some things. They also hold these beliefs.
As you can see, the fuel behind it is: don’t be feminine.. because somehow the expression has been ok for women but not ok for men. Today, it’s not ok for anyone!
So what then do we have here? A big, huge imbalance of the masculine and feminine energies. An overdose of masculine.
Which leads to major issues; some are listed here:
Illness, disconnection in all relationships, blocks to intimacy, addictions, anxiety, depression, dissatisfaction with career. Just to name a few!!
The emotions that are held inside you, are held inside the body too.. not just the mind. Your whole being is affected and every aspect of your humanness.
Oh, and yes, we do have toxic feminine too, which can show up in things like eating disorders, playing victim, blaming, disempowerment, and over emotional expression, especially with the purpose of manipulation.. but we will talk more about that in another article.
The goal is balance. To balance masculine and feminine energies. We must learn to be vulnerable and let out how we are feeling. We must speak the truth of what is going on inside of us. But we must also discern when to do that and with whom. We can release the emotions first and then speak of them. Acknowledge them. Accept them.
When they are first arising, you may be overwhelmed. You must find a good therapist or trusted and skilled friend to be there for you through that. I promise you won’t get stuck in them! You won’t swing to the other side of the pendulum and be super emotional all day every day.
We cannot bypass this!!! Don’t let any spiritual guru, or any pastor tell you that you can. They are usually men by the way, who are telling people that they can just go detach from their ego and go into non duality. Or they are saying it’s ok, God saved you and you can just pray about it.
Nope! These emotions and the truth of the human beings that we are cannot be denied. You cannot rise above your humanness and just be spiritual. We are here on the planet in the flesh.
Sure, there are moments when you will need detachment and to let go and shut the ego up. But you can’t stay there all day every day.
Do your inner child healing work, find the blocks that prevent you from being vulnerable and open about the truth of you and go through the pain and uncomfortablility of the emotions. You may have to do it in phases, or cycles.. you may have to circle back to them again and again. But that is what life is.. a circle, an orbit.. we will keep coming back to the same things, each time with a different perspective or realization.
Free yourself to be you. Be not afraid of what people are going to think… be not afraid of losing people or being rejected by them for who you are! Those who are also in their truth will see this and love you more. They will be present in the moment with you. They see you because they see themselves.
You won’t always be in balance. That is impossible. But you will recognize much quicker when something is off, and be able to address it!
I wish you all a wonderful day, and look forward to your comments!
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