Category Archives: subconscious mind

Chakra Healing, codependency, counseling in pittsburgh, emotion code, reiki pittsburgh pa, subconscious mind

4 Reasons You Can’t say “NO”

4 reasons you can’t say NO, and people please:

  1. Worry about how others will perceive you.
  2. To avoid feeling guilty or bad.
  3. To prevent loss.
  4. To make yourself feel valuable

Let’s break these down!

Often, as a therapist, I hear people tell me that they can’t say no when they want to.  It is one of the top 5 issues that keep people from being free and happy. 

Number one… Worry about how others will perceive you… you might say to yourself, “what if they tell others and then they think I’m a bad person.”  Why is this such a worry?  Because of what your programming says you “should”do.  Outside, learned expectations of what/how people should be/do.

Number two…following through with something you don’t want to do in order to avoid something you don’t want to feel… is most commonly associated with guilt.  But what is guilt? Where does it come from? Guilt is associated with doing something “wrong,” especially in a court of law.  Why would we think we are “wrong” in a relationship? Go back to #1… Something we “should” be doing or being. 

Number three…If you don’t do this, and say NO, then that person may distance themselves from you.  You could lose a connection.  This could trigger abandonment feelings.  Even though that connection might not be healthy and you are hiding your true feelings, you might rather keep someone than lose them.  Also, you may think, “If I don’t do this, then they won’t be there for me when I need it…” which is codependency.

Number four…last but not least… You don’t say No because you are getting something from it.  You may fulfill the need to feel like “I am always the one everyone can depend on.”  And that makes you feel valuable.  Wanted.  Needed.  If you say No, they might not ask you again.. Then where would you get your value fix?  They might not come to you again.  Which ultimately leads back to #3, loss of connection. 

See how these are all intertwined!! 

You can’t totally separate them out.  Just as you can’t totally separate the mind from the body.  Although I see so many people “in their head” 95% of the day, it is causing them misery and suffering.  Just watch someone when they talk.  What is their body doing?  Are they looking away from you a lot?  Looking around to different eye positions is necessary to disengage from the moment and to recall with the mind.  The body is forced out of engagement, via the eyes, from the person in front of them. 

Also, you may see someone touch their head a lot.  I often see people put both hands up to each side of their head when they are trying to utilize all head.  They are forcing all the focus and life force energy to the mind, by using their hands to hold it.   

So how do you stop people pleasing and start saying NO???????

You dig into these 4 areas and write out what is specifically happening inside of yourself.  You sit and breathe while you do this.  You stop, close your eyes, ask your body where do you feel this.  You reconnect body with mind so they can work together.  You ask yourself questions.  Am I really ok with this belief I’ve identified?  Why am I worried about being seen differently?  What would that mean about me?  Am I willing to choose to live differently?  Am I willing to feel uncomfortable, temporarily, to set myself free and live more authentically?

Get someone to help guide you through this process if you need it!!!! Click here to work with me.

Anxiety Disorder, Chakra Healing, codependency, counseling in pittsburgh, emotion code, god, love, reiki, reiki classes pittsburgh, reiki pittsburgh pa, subconscious mind

Sweet Surrender

I’m in complete gratitude right now, and Joy. This is the first time since last summer that I have been able to do a full boxing high intensity workout without any repercussions.
Last summer I was at the Academy and I was doing a one on one session with Chris and I never felt so sick in my life. After class, I had to wait for an hour before I could even leave the building. I am grateful for my family at the Academy who helped me to get through it after that workout. After that, I continued to physically decline and was broken down to the point of not being able to even eat this past fall. I had to give up all of my workouts aside from some squats and some dips on a chair.
I have worked really hard to get back to where I’m at, but the thing that got me there was God. And my surrender to God completely.
Yes I took supplements, yes I did reevaluate my entire diet. But I spent hours per day meditating, praying, surrendering my past, my future, everything to God. Over and over.
It wasn’t just one time and a miracle happened. I continued to surrender over and over. Today I listened to Iyanla Vanzant talk about surrender being the one most important thing you can do as a spiritual warrior… And it’s so true.
I wanted to cling so tightly to the things that I had, the lifestyle that I had. But I had to be willing to let it go completely. I had to be willing to accept where I was at. Period.
I had to let go of past trauma and fear. I had to open myself up in a different way. I had to let go of beliefs and illusions of control. I had to be completely uncomfortable… feel utterly miserable.
In the past two weeks I have reached another level of surrender. This quarantine has given me an opportunity to go way deeper than I ever thought I would go. To surrender more than I ever thought I would. And to change my entire DNA. My genetic make up. I have healed completely. Mind body and soul.
I’m so grateful to have been shown the way to complete and utter peace and freedom. Of course I’ll not take for granted anything in life. I will strive to always be flexible, be aware, and practice surrender, the art of surrender, every day. Whether that has to do with relationships or money or physical health or home life whatever the case.
This is not to say I will not have goals. Because the entire time that I was doing all of this healing I had a goal which was to be able to do exactly what I did today: full rounds of boxing with high intensity.. full force.. with out feeling one repercussion or symptom in my body!
I am in a state of bliss. I just cried tears of joy. I am so grateful for my connection with the Lord. Blessed Trinity. Sacred Heart of Jesus. I’m a fighter. And in order to win this battle I had to stop fighting… Completely surrender.. it is Your will not my will. But I can tell you what I want and I can tell you what I’m going to strive for. Our wills  happened to match up LOL.
I did three 21 day meditations with Oprah and Deepak Chopra, I did hundreds of rounds of tapping, I did centering prayer daily, I listened to Iyanla Vanzant for the past 46 days every day at 10 am and did the exercises she offered. I have done daily affirmations, brrain retraining, Reiki, probably more that I can’t think of right now.
I had no idea when the day would come, or the hour, that I would reach this place
that I am at today.
Many moments I cried and thought I was going to be permanently sick. I was too sick to do much of anything from October to February. I was already in quarantine. LOL. I would drive up and down the road some days and wish to just die.
Truth… I have suffered more this year, May ’19-May”20, more than I have suffered in most of my 41 years of living. Actually the past seven years has been pretty intense. All of the physical issues, super intense and “gut wrenching” relationship lessons that were harder than hell and literally contributed to my gut imbalance… and the loss of my mother, my best friend, my codependent life line..AND, I had just started a business while she was dying… striving for the past seven years to live that life purpose. I had to stop and cry several times while voice texting this. Because you know I don’t have a thumb to type it out right now, plus I’m still impatient LOL
I let go of my addiction to being sick.
I let go of the root causes of the addiction to being sick.
I let go of any need to be sick.
I let go of any expectation that sickness has to happen.
It was all tied to my childhood, mass amounts of physical medical traumas. Tied to my mom’s fear and worry, tied to PTSD from strep throat and pandas.
I have healed so much stuff… tears again here… And I don’t share a lot about these things because I share it was just a select few people and I don’t like to broadly and openly complain about things because I don’t want that type of energy back to me.
Do I still have work to do yes do I have to continue to surrender, yes… are there going to be challenging moments, yes… but they’re not going to be seen from the same viewpoint that they used to. These are new eyeballs… these are fresh perspectives…. I’ll strive to not worry again about what if I get sick. Because that worry is what created all this in the first place. I trust. I trust God. I trust myself. God lives within me. Holy Spirit guide me. I will be still and listen. I will let go. I will allow that unconditional love to flow. I am a Spiritual Warrior and I will battle not fight.
Click here to read about Iyanla Vanzant. Click here to work with me one on one.

Chakra Healing, emotion code, reiki healing pittsburgh, subconscious mind

Toxic Masculinity

Toxic Masculinity:

Toxic masculinity is a term used to describe male gender roles that resist certain emotions that are not allowable for them to express.

I am going to discuss how this has seeped out to affect a lot of people, not just men.

Before you go off saying that resisting expression of certain emotions is necessary in certain situations of war, survival and other circumstances, let me say, yes.. I agree with you on that.

Those circumstances are not happening for everyone, yet aspects of this toxic masculinity are still affecting people negatively.

We have somehow learned, that in today’s western world, that we must resist expression of certain emotions in order to survive, be considered strong, to be valuable, or to be viewed as a successful person. We don’t openly express our “unacceptable” emotions that would cause us to appear weak, vulnerable, messy, inadequate, or incapable.

Some of these emotions are: sadness, grief, shame, fear, confusion, and many more.

Yes, yes, boys were taught and told things like:

“boys don’t cry.. have some balls…don’t be a little bitch…don’t be a pussy…suck it up..”

Since the new year began, in my therapy practice, I have heard several women say these some things. They also hold these beliefs.

As you can see, the fuel behind it is: don’t be feminine.. because somehow the expression has been ok for women but not ok for men. Today, it’s not ok for anyone!

So what then do we have here? A big, huge imbalance of the masculine and feminine energies. An overdose of masculine.

Which leads to major issues; some are listed here:

Illness, disconnection in all relationships, blocks to intimacy, addictions, anxiety, depression, dissatisfaction with career. Just to name a few!!

The emotions that are held inside you, are held inside the body too.. not just the mind. Your whole being is affected and every aspect of your humanness.

Oh, and yes, we do have toxic feminine too, which can show up in things like eating disorders, playing victim, blaming, disempowerment, and over emotional expression, especially with the purpose of manipulation.. but we will talk more about that in another article.

The goal is balance. To balance masculine and feminine energies. We must learn to be vulnerable and let out how we are feeling. We must speak the truth of what is going on inside of us. But we must also discern when to do that and with whom. We can release the emotions first and then speak of them. Acknowledge them. Accept them.

When they are first arising, you may be overwhelmed. You must find a good therapist or trusted and skilled friend to be there for you through that. I promise you won’t get stuck in them! You won’t swing to the other side of the pendulum and be super emotional all day every day.

We cannot bypass this!!! Don’t let any spiritual guru, or any pastor tell you that you can. They are usually men by the way, who are telling people that they can just go detach from their ego and go into non duality. Or they are saying it’s ok, God saved you and you can just pray about it.

Nope! These emotions and the truth of the human beings that we are cannot be denied. You cannot rise above your humanness and just be spiritual. We are here on the planet in the flesh.

Sure, there are moments when you will need detachment and to let go and shut the ego up. But you can’t stay there all day every day.

Do your inner child healing work, find the blocks that prevent you from being vulnerable and open about the truth of you and go through the pain and uncomfortablility of the emotions. You may have to do it in phases, or cycles.. you may have to circle back to them again and again. But that is what life is.. a circle, an orbit.. we will keep coming back to the same things, each time with a different perspective or realization.

Free yourself to be you. Be not afraid of what people are going to think… be not afraid of losing people or being rejected by them for who you are! Those who are also in their truth will see this and love you more. They will be present in the moment with you. They see you because they see themselves.

You won’t always be in balance. That is impossible. But you will recognize much quicker when something is off, and be able to address it!

I wish you all a wonderful day, and look forward to your comments!

Click Here if you want to work with me and for more info on my session.

Anxiety Disorder, codependency, counseling in pittsburgh, love, reiki pittsburgh pa, subconscious mind

Narcissist and Emotionally Wounded Love Addict

A Narcissist, a wounded love addict. THE JOKER & HARLEY QUINN: A Therapist’s view….Emotionally wounded and broken Harley  Quinn is vulnerable and desperate and is wide open to be swayed by any charm or what appears to be intense feelings of love since she longs for that. And the joker is a twisted, sadistic, manipulative, narcissist/ sociopath who can prey on the weak and then mold them into what he desires. But guess what folks.. that’s not love..But some people think it’s romantic and think that they are a love story. lol if you actually read the comic you will see the truth of it. And guess what, joker is not in love with her, his true love is unattainable…Batman. The epitome of using dark and turning it into the light.. But suffering, still suffering… and joker is attracted to what he cannot turn into a relief of pain. Batman stays in his pain. But still works for the good of humanity. Joker is obsessed with him , Harley is just his possession, ego boost, and  he’s already conquered that. But if he loses her who will he have?  And that’s weak.. true weakness .. it’s possible to see her kind show up in therapy but not stick to it.. but he never will.

The sociopaths, narcissist persons may show up but they’re never going to do the work. If the emotionally wounded broken ever decide to get out of their past patterns and jump out of a hamster wheel they could get help. Or die.. one or the other.. It’s kind of sad that people romanticize this relationship. But it just goes to show how many people out there are coming from an emotionally wounded place. So they can relate to this.. they think it’s normal they think this is what love is. They may never truly know what love really is because this is all they know ..this hamster wheel..this loop that they are in. They will just keep being miserable, or they’ll have some kind of breakthrough and understand that this is not real. I can help you to step off the hamster wheel, click here

I would say there’s hope for Harley but I’m not really sure. She seems to have went to the Darkside and is fully submerged  into it. She may just have to get killed over there LOL. Why did he go through great lengths to save her if he doesn’t really truly love her? Well because she’s his food. Fuel for the narcissist. If he doesn’t have something to feed on then what does he have? In the comic, she eventually stands up to him and leaves him and then had a romance with poison ivy lol. Onto the next toxic relationship!!!  batman had deep pain, watching his parents die. Tried to avenge their deaths… his love is in the pain. Which can be compared to the show Dexter. But that’s a whole different analysis.! Good day folks! click here for help with breaking the pattern of toxic relationships